The Tale of King Dota and His Three Sons

From a Dota 2 Tieba thread comes this flamebait of a comedy piece. What can I say… it’s fluff… The first half of it is short and sorta funny, so I translated it for giggles and stuff.

There once was a King, his name was Dota. He had three sons, the eldest named HoN, the middle son LoL, and the youngest son Dota 2. The eldest son was the crown prince for a time, being groomed for succession, but after receiving only some of his education from the King, he gradually shifted into less reputable arts and studies; the King was heartbroken.

The second son, LoL, sat around all day doing little of value. If the King told him to go learn horseback riding, he’d find a donkey to ride. If he was told to practice archery, he’d go play with his slingshot instead. The King, at his wits end, raised his hand to the second son and hit him across the face — Prince LoL was enraged and left home, announcing to the outside that there was no relationship between the King and himself any longer.

The third son had always been obedient, and had ambition and the motivation to go with it. He acquired a full set of marshal abilities from his father, and not only that, he added his own improvements upon many of the King’s own techniques. The King was pleased, and named him the successor to the Dota throne — and thus Dota the Second was born.

The second son, upon hearing that his little brother was to take the title next, was filled with a panicked jealousy, because he knew well that his brother was a talented one and would one day become impossible to deal with. So what better than to resolve the matter early on?

He recruited the General Guinsoo, along with Riot’s famed army of 10 million concurrent soldiers, if anyone actually believes that number, and boasted that he was going to establish a coup. With enemies at the gates, King Dota was yet to fear, because he knew that this second son of his, apart from being a master bullshitter, didn’t amount to much in the end.

Indeed, as the armies coalesced into a writhing mass, all that was seen were figures riding donkeys, wielding slingshots, shouting strange things such as “Noxus” and “Demacia!”.

The King, confused, asked, “What are they saying?”
“I’m guessing that they’re just slogans used by the weak-witted to strengthen their fragile morale, not worthy of a mention,” came a minister’s reply.
“Why are they hiding in the tall grass?” the King still couldn’t comprehend their foes’ actions.
“Surely they wish to use it to set an ambush against our forces.”
“Fuck off, their heads are still visible above the grass, ambush your sister.”

“Who will King Dota send to greet our foes?”
“I’ll send just five, and that will be enough,” said the King.
“Which of us have such godly prowess?”
The King stroked his beard and smiled lightly.

“Admiral Kunkka, Deep Sea Leviathan Tidehunter, Army Officer Warlock, Airforce Commander Gyrocopter, and Bravest Magnus.”
“That King Dota has such admirable warriors at his command is truly akin to giving wings to a tiger.”

On the second son’s side, General Guinsoo was strategizing.
“Prince — er, no no no, I mean Crown Prince Your Highness, who will we have in our vanguard?”
“I’ve long since decided. Carter, Misaya’s Twisted Fate, Super小智’s Darius, Wananbrist Ezrael, and Miss, we’ll just have her there as ceremonial decor.” (Dotaland note: apparently these are all high level players/personalities in LoL who are good with certain heroes/champions? Carter is referring to the player that went to jail or some shit?)
General Guinsoo was hesitant…

The battle rang out as the two sides met…

“At attention!” came the shrill cry of a random LoL minion.
“Hurry and tell me, team wipe, yes?” Prince LoL demanded to know.
“T-team wiped.”
“Haha, I knew it. My father’s old and frail forces are no match!”
“It was our side that was wiped…” and just as the words left his mouth, the first LoL minion collapsed on the ground, only for a second minion to be dragged in front of Prince LoL.
“How is this possible?!?!” Prince LoL screamed, slamming his fist against the wall.
“Word is that General Carter stole our rations and in place gave us dried balls of beef, which no one could chew,” the second minion reported.
“Motherfucker, aren’t Carter and Misaya both above 5000 AP?
“The foes activated their BKBs…”

Outside, cries of “For Khaz Modan!!”

Prince LoL swore some more. “Quickly go get me the best runes!”
“Reporting in, Prince, prices for runes have risen again.”
“Throw more money at it! Now!!!” the Prince was in a fit of rage, and just as Motherfucker turned to fulfill his duties, the Prince called out again, “Wait! Don’t forget to sign up for VIP first, it’s cheaper to buy that way! (I guess Chinese LoL servers provide a VIP option that gives a discount on stuff)
“Yes sir…”

With the losses crushing in on all sides, LoL minions began to break and run. Those who ran a little slower were soon caught by a Black Bird (OD) and met a swift fate under a Sanity’s Eclipse. Seeing all this, the second son sat listlessly on the ground. Eventually, his father the King Dota appeared in front of him. “Son, why would you go against me?”
“I am not your son!”
“Child, it was my fault… as a father I did not put enough attention into you, allowing you to trod on such a crooked path…”
“What I truly hate is your Kingly highness’ third son. What difference is there between him having original Dota men, versus me having original Dota men on my side? What difference is there such that he is accepted as the true successor, yet I am accused of being a fraud, a copy?” the second son felt tears streaming down his face.
“Don’t listen to those others, you will always be my son, always!!”


Best teammates ever: Dotaers play through an earthquake in Liaoning, China


Dotaland note: Thinking about ragequitting? Think again. Read this story of Dota players that played through a recent earthquake in China, as told by one of their teammates in that game…

What would you do if there was an earthquake? It would seem that the first thought in most people’s minds would be to escape to somewhere safe, yet there are also those whose answers to this question may be a little less typical: first make a post on weibo, or withdraw savings from the bank, or call their significant other… Well, last week there was a 5.1 magnitude quake in Liaoning province. Fortunately there were no casualties, but we’ve since learned that in the midst of the shaking, at least one Dota player refused to leave his game and persisted until the end. What an amazing teammate!

The happenings as described by one of their teammates in game:

“At the time I happened to be playing Dota on the 11 platform. Where I was, in Dalian, had no shaking from this quake so I didn’t know right away that there had been an earthquake. However, due to my lovely teammates, I quickly learned of it.”

“The opposing team was Weaver, Warlock, Skeleton King, Lion, and Keeper. We were Alchemist (me), Storm Spirit, Silencer, Centaur Warrunner, and Jakiro. Their Keeper had been following me in lanes since the beginning of the game, wherever I went, he went. And the Lion and Weaver would also visit me from time to time, the result being that I died three times right off the bat, so I went straight to the jungle afterwards to play some single-player with the jungle creeps.”

“Fortunately, our Storm Spirit was beastly, and kept us close; the match went on quite evenly. As the game went on and respective tactics came online, under the leadership of our Storm Spirit bro, we slowly gained an upper hand. Later on though, our Jakiro disconnected, and with Weaver and Skeleton King as two late game carries on the other side, I began to have worries in my heart.”

“It was when I was again in the jungle fighting off a crowd of creeps that it happened: our Centaur Warrunner let out a cry of ‘earthquake!’. I was confused at first, there are ten heroes here and there’s no Sand King?? Is this a new way of referring to some other tactic? And then our Storm Spirit and Silencer both echoed this statement, and I finally understood that there had been a real earthquake outside.”

Key points of chat screenshot:

Alchemist: “where are you guys located?”
Centaur: “Shenyang” (Liaoning province)Storm: “Liaoning”
Silencer: “Shenyang”
Centaur: “After we finish this game, I’ll rush downstairs”

“Seeing this, I was touched; what professionalism, dedication! Centaur Warrunner bro, you are gambling your life to play Dota here!”

“Realizing that I had originally lost hope after our Jakiro disconnected, and then seeing this dedication, I was more than a little bit embarrased with myself. Silencer added on to the brave face my teammates had put up, boldly stating ‘What is there to fear? I’m on the 29th floor and I’m not even scared’. Truly amazed, I imagined in my mind a wobbling room on the 29th floor of a tall building, with my teammates risking their lives for Dota inside the room. That is truly dedication! These are godlike teammates! And I suddenly found an infinite spring of energy within me! Lothar’s, Mjolnir, Skull Basher, with smoke we successfully ganked a Weaver.”

“After that, under the leadership of our six-slotted Storm Spirit, our Silencer with Aegis, with me tagging along, we sucecssfully broke all three lanes of barracks. These three teammates of mine in this game have really left an impression on me. This was gambling with their lives to play out a Dota game, godlike teammates! To them I say, I hope you are all safe and sound!”

PS: Even though the spirit and dedication displayed here was admirable, it is still recommended to get to a safe place first in times of natural disaster.



Tencent posts an article on flaming Dota2, quickly removes it but not before posts a counter-flame

Dotaland note: the original Tencent flame article was at — but has now been replaced by a completely different topic at the same link. Amongst other things, it claimed that Valve was selling Dota2 for $100 each… Nonetheless, if you think Riot does shady things, wait ’till you see some of what Tencent does to promote its own interests and/or crush competitors… is this the first shot fired of an inevitable clash to be heard across all of gaming?

Dotaland note 2: Tencent is the Chinese distributor of League of Legends, and they also own Riot Games, devs of LoL. is Tencent’s official main portal website.


Earlier today a certain website published a report on “The biggest money-grabbing, integrity-lacking games of 2012 — Dota2 ranks top”.

Therefore, we at UUU9 Dota will debunk each of their claims one by one:

1. Claiming that Dota2 is literally the most expensive game in history, with a price of 100 USD?

The [Tencent] article claimed that there is only one way to buy Dota2, with a price of 100 USD. This is purely baseless fabrication, we won’t even mention that Dota2 can be purchased as a standalone bundle currently, but they even failed to realize that this 100 USD pack includes every single one of Valve’s games since 1998, with a total value of more than 150 USD.

And then of course there is the standalone purchase of Dota2 available right now, for 30 USD, which gives you the game, a wild boar courier, and full cosmetic sets for Sven, Juggernaut, and Witch Doctor. Compared to a certain ‘penguin company’ (they mean Tencent, as a mascot/logo of Tencent’s is a penguin) selling skins one at a time for over 100 RMB each, we think everyone will be able to realize in their own hearts what is what here.

2. Flaming Dota2 translation team for profiting from beta keys

This is really causing a fuss out of nothing. First off, Valve giving keys to the translation teams is not a ‘compensation’, it’s more an effort to use the translation team to spread keys to Chinese players and thus grow Dota2 in China. The translation team often posts keys on their Weibo accounts, and for sure there are many current players who have access to the beta because of this. As for how Valve actually thanks their translators, they have other means, such as mailing gifts from America or inviting them to tour their offices etc, we’re sure most people have seen this from interviews at TI2 and will understand.

3. Steam as a platform is run with only profit in mind

Compared to a certain penguin company’s (aka Tencent) reputation as “king of copying”, Steam itself is a superior platform that is unique and groundbreaking in its convenience and pushing of the entire industry. In traditional retail channels, game developers only get around 30% of revenue, while on Steam they get up to 70%. This alone has greatly increased the standing of many a developer, as well as helped developers create higher quality games. Yet penguin company’s motto for operating is to copy a popular game or platform and then spam the internet with braindead pop-up advertisements. And in the process, destroy many a decent website while simultaneously spurring more unhealthy and unfair forms of competition in the domestic gaming industry, and ultimately become the root cause of such a proliferating trend of copying and infringing in the entire Chinese gaming industry.

After reading the above, hopefully everyone has a better understanding of the situation now.

Interestingly, compared to a certain penguin company going out of their way to try to stifle and slander Dota, Valve has shown a degree of openness. In addition to Valve saying that they “will not limit players”, and are rumored to be allowing Penguin company’s League of Legends onto the Steam platform, Gabe Newell has also said that he is a fan of all games in this genre, and not only limited to Dota2: “I think moba-style games are a pretty nice genre, they’re very exciting when you play. The reason we’re doing things this way is because everyone at the company are fans of this type of game, and we feel we should allow more gamers experience the fun, not only limited to IceFrog’s creation.” (Dotaland note: this LoL on Steam thing is not actually confirmed as far as I know)

So, gamers, viewing the difference in attitudes between these companies, who will you choose? In the words of the Dota2 shopkeeper: The choice is yours!

[fluff] Chinese players argue about Dota vs LoL, too


Just some quick translations of a random thread where Chinese players discuss amongst each other the relative merits of a few games in the same genre as Dota. Insults, arguments, general internet drudgery, and some insight ahead! It’s ugly, it’s fluff, so don’t get too invested.

Update: The original Chinese thread has been deleted, after reaching hilarious levels of mudslinging and not-so-politically-correct insults.

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