The Tale of King Dota and His Three Sons

From a Dota 2 Tieba thread comes this flamebait of a comedy piece. What can I say… it’s fluff… The first half of it is short and sorta funny, so I translated it for giggles and stuff.

There once was a King, his name was Dota. He had three sons, the eldest named HoN, the middle son LoL, and the youngest son Dota 2. The eldest son was the crown prince for a time, being groomed for succession, but after receiving only some of his education from the King, he gradually shifted into less reputable arts and studies; the King was heartbroken.

The second son, LoL, sat around all day doing little of value. If the King told him to go learn horseback riding, he’d find a donkey to ride. If he was told to practice archery, he’d go play with his slingshot instead. The King, at his wits end, raised his hand to the second son and hit him across the face — Prince LoL was enraged and left home, announcing to the outside that there was no relationship between the King and himself any longer.

The third son had always been obedient, and had ambition and the motivation to go with it. He acquired a full set of marshal abilities from his father, and not only that, he added his own improvements upon many of the King’s own techniques. The King was pleased, and named him the successor to the Dota throne — and thus Dota the Second was born.

The second son, upon hearing that his little brother was to take the title next, was filled with a panicked jealousy, because he knew well that his brother was a talented one and would one day become impossible to deal with. So what better than to resolve the matter early on?

He recruited the General Guinsoo, along with Riot’s famed army of 10 million concurrent soldiers, if anyone actually believes that number, and boasted that he was going to establish a coup. With enemies at the gates, King Dota was yet to fear, because he knew that this second son of his, apart from being a master bullshitter, didn’t amount to much in the end.

Indeed, as the armies coalesced into a writhing mass, all that was seen were figures riding donkeys, wielding slingshots, shouting strange things such as “Noxus” and “Demacia!”.

The King, confused, asked, “What are they saying?”
“I’m guessing that they’re just slogans used by the weak-witted to strengthen their fragile morale, not worthy of a mention,” came a minister’s reply.
“Why are they hiding in the tall grass?” the King still couldn’t comprehend their foes’ actions.
“Surely they wish to use it to set an ambush against our forces.”
“Fuck off, their heads are still visible above the grass, ambush your sister.”

“Who will King Dota send to greet our foes?”
“I’ll send just five, and that will be enough,” said the King.
“Which of us have such godly prowess?”
The King stroked his beard and smiled lightly.

“Admiral Kunkka, Deep Sea Leviathan Tidehunter, Army Officer Warlock, Airforce Commander Gyrocopter, and Bravest Magnus.”
“That King Dota has such admirable warriors at his command is truly akin to giving wings to a tiger.”

On the second son’s side, General Guinsoo was strategizing.
“Prince — er, no no no, I mean Crown Prince Your Highness, who will we have in our vanguard?”
“I’ve long since decided. Carter, Misaya’s Twisted Fate, Super小智’s Darius, Wananbrist Ezrael, and Miss, we’ll just have her there as ceremonial decor.” (Dotaland note: apparently these are all high level players/personalities in LoL who are good with certain heroes/champions? Carter is referring to the player that went to jail or some shit?)
General Guinsoo was hesitant…

The battle rang out as the two sides met…

“At attention!” came the shrill cry of a random LoL minion.
“Hurry and tell me, team wipe, yes?” Prince LoL demanded to know.
“T-team wiped.”
“Haha, I knew it. My father’s old and frail forces are no match!”
“It was our side that was wiped…” and just as the words left his mouth, the first LoL minion collapsed on the ground, only for a second minion to be dragged in front of Prince LoL.
“How is this possible?!?!” Prince LoL screamed, slamming his fist against the wall.
“Word is that General Carter stole our rations and in place gave us dried balls of beef, which no one could chew,” the second minion reported.
“Motherfucker, aren’t Carter and Misaya both above 5000 AP?
“The foes activated their BKBs…”

Outside, cries of “For Khaz Modan!!”

Prince LoL swore some more. “Quickly go get me the best runes!”
“Reporting in, Prince, prices for runes have risen again.”
“Throw more money at it! Now!!!” the Prince was in a fit of rage, and just as Motherfucker turned to fulfill his duties, the Prince called out again, “Wait! Don’t forget to sign up for VIP first, it’s cheaper to buy that way! (I guess Chinese LoL servers provide a VIP option that gives a discount on stuff)
“Yes sir…”

With the losses crushing in on all sides, LoL minions began to break and run. Those who ran a little slower were soon caught by a Black Bird (OD) and met a swift fate under a Sanity’s Eclipse. Seeing all this, the second son sat listlessly on the ground. Eventually, his father the King Dota appeared in front of him. “Son, why would you go against me?”
“I am not your son!”
“Child, it was my fault… as a father I did not put enough attention into you, allowing you to trod on such a crooked path…”
“What I truly hate is your Kingly highness’ third son. What difference is there between him having original Dota men, versus me having original Dota men on my side? What difference is there such that he is accepted as the true successor, yet I am accused of being a fraud, a copy?” the second son felt tears streaming down his face.
“Don’t listen to those others, you will always be my son, always!!”


[fluff] BurNIng plays some LoL…


The DK Weibo account posted that BurNIng tried some LoL recently… Approximate translation: “Lately B-God went and tried some LoL for fun. Who would’ve thought it would affect him so badly, he’s been having nightmares for two nights now about not being able to deny, he’s about to have a nervous breakdown!” squad coming? Old pro ZhaoYun talks this, his return to Dota, LoL being low skill, and more…


Famed overseas Chinese Dota player ZhaoYun has in recent days been rumored to be considering a return to competitive Dota/Dota2, in addition to returning to China to help build a mysterious new team. Sgamer’s Dota reporter XiaoShou managed to contact him for an interview, and in the interview he revealed that he was indeed making preparations to return to the scene, and had nothing but praise for the recent TI2 in Seattle. And Chinese teams’ performances in TI2, as well as Dota2’s outstanding production quality are the factors that led to his decision. Lastly, he suggested that it was a possibility for him to join TongFu, and help them build a new international squad for competitions in 2013. Let us take a look at the details~

SGamer (SG): Thank you ZhaoYun for accepting this interview with First off, say hello to all the Dota fans out there?

ZhaoYun (ZY): Hello everyone, I am ZhaoYun, it’s been quite a while.

SG: Remember that last time we interviewed you, you said you hoped to go back to China to play professionally, but then how come we never heard from you again after that?

ZY: I married the person I loved in my heart, and so I left Dota for a long time.

SG: At the time everyone thought you would go and join Chisbug and LongDD’s team, and thus create the ultimate combo of ZhaoYun and Zilong (heroes in Chinese lore).

ZY: Yeah, at the time it was something I also really anticipated, but that period of time I was way too busy, and then after half a year it seemed like I had lost a lot of passion for Dota.

SG: Can you tell everyone a bit about your recent situation?

ZY: Yep, recently I’ve just been working, when I have a bit of time I go play some Texas Hold’em at the casino, watch some sports, and in spare time play some Dota2 (Dotabuff profile).

SG: What do you see in the future for the development of Dota and Dota2?

ZY: Seems like most players have gotten used to Dota2, I feel that Dota2 has already replaced Dota, and honestly speaking I think Dota2 has been done excellently.

SG: At this year’s TI2, what are your views on Chinese teams’ performances?

ZY: At the time, I hadn’t played much Dota in quite a bit, it’s only been the past few months that I’ve gotten back into playing. But I watched TI2, practically every important match I watched, and Chinese teams performed exceptionally; for Chinese teams their biggest feature is that they are steady.

SG: Do you feel that currently there still exists a big gap between Chinese and Western teams, especially North American Dota?

ZY: This is something that I think everyone is very clear on, TI2’s results say everything.

SG: What do you think has allowed LoL to spread so widely, have you played this game before?

ZY: I’ve watched some friends play it, I think the graphics are too flashy, feels like it’s more geared towards female players. And it seems like its tempo is a bit slower than Dota. I don’t really like LoL, it looks like a low skill game.

SG: Heard that you created a new team lately, can you introduce the team and its players for us?

ZY: Yeah, they’re all former teammates and friends. March, Mystyle, Swissbeatz, and Zaku I’m sure everyone still remembers. And then there is Solara, who should be known by some people in North America. Unfortunately March graduated, and is about to head back to South Korea, so in the future we won’t have many chances to play together anymore. Here I also want to wish this good friend of mine smooth sailing in life from here on!

SG: What are your upcoming plans?

ZY: First try and participate in lots of competitions, practice with the team and build understanding. At the same time, look for new sponsors. There has been contact with some teams back in China, and there’s a possibility that we will take the form of an international squad for a certain team and represent them in competitions that way.

SG: Which club, can you reveal?

ZY: TongFu.

SG: Okay, we hope that ZhaoYun’s return to professional Dota can bring us new things, any last words for our fans?

ZY: Diaoyu Islands are China’s (Dotaland note: aka the Senkaku Islands)!




Tencent posts an article on flaming Dota2, quickly removes it but not before posts a counter-flame

Dotaland note: the original Tencent flame article was at — but has now been replaced by a completely different topic at the same link. Amongst other things, it claimed that Valve was selling Dota2 for $100 each… Nonetheless, if you think Riot does shady things, wait ’till you see some of what Tencent does to promote its own interests and/or crush competitors… is this the first shot fired of an inevitable clash to be heard across all of gaming?

Dotaland note 2: Tencent is the Chinese distributor of League of Legends, and they also own Riot Games, devs of LoL. is Tencent’s official main portal website.


Earlier today a certain website published a report on “The biggest money-grabbing, integrity-lacking games of 2012 — Dota2 ranks top”.

Therefore, we at UUU9 Dota will debunk each of their claims one by one:

1. Claiming that Dota2 is literally the most expensive game in history, with a price of 100 USD?

The [Tencent] article claimed that there is only one way to buy Dota2, with a price of 100 USD. This is purely baseless fabrication, we won’t even mention that Dota2 can be purchased as a standalone bundle currently, but they even failed to realize that this 100 USD pack includes every single one of Valve’s games since 1998, with a total value of more than 150 USD.

And then of course there is the standalone purchase of Dota2 available right now, for 30 USD, which gives you the game, a wild boar courier, and full cosmetic sets for Sven, Juggernaut, and Witch Doctor. Compared to a certain ‘penguin company’ (they mean Tencent, as a mascot/logo of Tencent’s is a penguin) selling skins one at a time for over 100 RMB each, we think everyone will be able to realize in their own hearts what is what here.

2. Flaming Dota2 translation team for profiting from beta keys

This is really causing a fuss out of nothing. First off, Valve giving keys to the translation teams is not a ‘compensation’, it’s more an effort to use the translation team to spread keys to Chinese players and thus grow Dota2 in China. The translation team often posts keys on their Weibo accounts, and for sure there are many current players who have access to the beta because of this. As for how Valve actually thanks their translators, they have other means, such as mailing gifts from America or inviting them to tour their offices etc, we’re sure most people have seen this from interviews at TI2 and will understand.

3. Steam as a platform is run with only profit in mind

Compared to a certain penguin company’s (aka Tencent) reputation as “king of copying”, Steam itself is a superior platform that is unique and groundbreaking in its convenience and pushing of the entire industry. In traditional retail channels, game developers only get around 30% of revenue, while on Steam they get up to 70%. This alone has greatly increased the standing of many a developer, as well as helped developers create higher quality games. Yet penguin company’s motto for operating is to copy a popular game or platform and then spam the internet with braindead pop-up advertisements. And in the process, destroy many a decent website while simultaneously spurring more unhealthy and unfair forms of competition in the domestic gaming industry, and ultimately become the root cause of such a proliferating trend of copying and infringing in the entire Chinese gaming industry.

After reading the above, hopefully everyone has a better understanding of the situation now.

Interestingly, compared to a certain penguin company going out of their way to try to stifle and slander Dota, Valve has shown a degree of openness. In addition to Valve saying that they “will not limit players”, and are rumored to be allowing Penguin company’s League of Legends onto the Steam platform, Gabe Newell has also said that he is a fan of all games in this genre, and not only limited to Dota2: “I think moba-style games are a pretty nice genre, they’re very exciting when you play. The reason we’re doing things this way is because everyone at the company are fans of this type of game, and we feel we should allow more gamers experience the fun, not only limited to IceFrog’s creation.” (Dotaland note: this LoL on Steam thing is not actually confirmed as far as I know)

So, gamers, viewing the difference in attitudes between these companies, who will you choose? In the words of the Dota2 shopkeeper: The choice is yours!

[fluff] Chinese players argue about Dota vs LoL, too


Just some quick translations of a random thread where Chinese players discuss amongst each other the relative merits of a few games in the same genre as Dota. Insults, arguments, general internet drudgery, and some insight ahead! It’s ugly, it’s fluff, so don’t get too invested.

Update: The original Chinese thread has been deleted, after reaching hilarious levels of mudslinging and not-so-politically-correct insults.

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